caption:  AND he can cook, ladies! 

So, there I am watching my newest favorite TV show, Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares" on Fox, and enojying the HELL out of it.

THIS week's nightmare was "Dillions Lounge" in Times Square, NYC.  The place was a self-described "Irish, American, Indian Restuarant" with LITERALLY rotton food, rats, and more roaches than I've ever seen in my life (and trust me, I've lived in some LOUSY apartments).  I was half-expecting Gordon to up and leave them.  PLUS, I thought to myself, what does Gordon Ramsay know about modern Indian cuisine?

 It turns out, what he DOES know is iFood's own CHEF VIKAS KHANNA!!!

Chef Vikas was invited to Dillions by Gordon Ramsay to help whip their food into shape.  And boy, DID HE.  In an earlier blog, I talked about my fantasy of having a culinary threesome with Gordon Ramsay and Bobby Flay.  Screw Bobby (sorry Bobby!), but now it's all about GORDON and VIKAS!!

If you get the chance to see it on rerun, you get to see an Indian cuisine master in action.  Vikas knows what he's doing, and the newly named "Purnima" even hired him as a consultant!

Gordon Ramsay's here, ya'll!

One of my favorite BBC shows has finally come to America via the Fox Network!

For anyone that missed it, Gordon Ramsay shows up at small, failing restaurants, and brow beats them into shape on his huge BBC success, "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares".  But you know what?  It's much more than that.  Gordon Ramsay, in my opinion, isn't at all the bastard he appears to be on Hell's Kitchen.  I said this before in an earlier blog, but his restaurants have had something like an 84% retention rate since the late 80's.  He's just VERY serious about the quality of the food that comes out of his kitchen.

Let me start out by professing my love for Gordon Ramsay.

 

caption: One down, three to go

Thank God Comcast runs BBC America, so I can catch "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares", "Boiling Point", and "Beyond Boiling Point".  I can't get enough of this fiesty bastard.  Some viewers wonder why his staff takes the verbal assaults they're handed by Ramsay.  I point out that he has something like an 89% worker retention rate since 1993.  The man is just AWESOME.  You think he's rude to customers?  Do you walk up to Bono and tell him that U2's taking too long to get to the the stage?  NO SIR.  The man is dynamite.

Anyway, more on that later.  Over to tonight's episode of Hell's Kitchen:

    

Rock vs. Bonnie

Well, unless you've been living under a culinary rock, you should know that Amy Finley "Outwitted, Outplayed, and Outlasted" the other contestants in "Next Food Network Star".  And what a ride it was!

 

caption: The contestants show us their magical, invisible cuisine.

First of all, if you have the opportunity, I suggest you take a look at all of their audition videos on the Food Network's Myspace Page.  I say this, because during the contest, I kept thinking to myself, "Why are some of these people HERE?  Is the Food Network THAT blind?!?!"

The LAST thing I ever thought I'd see on a Food Network show is scandal.  But sure enough..

This week's challenges started out easy enough.  Our boys and girls had to do a little press for themselves and the show on XM's Ron and Fezz.  Us Tri-state folk know the show, as it broadcasts out of NYC.  After that, they got interviewed by some guy from Star Magazine.  Their instructions were simple: don't talk smack.

Their second challenge was to do a 5-minute demo of their signature dish on the Rachael Ray Show.  After that, they were evaluated, and one of the three was to be sent home.  The final two get voted on this week, and the winner is revealed next Sunday.  But it ain't over yet!

Contestant #1 - JAG

 

Challenge 1 - Jag made a couple rookie mistakes.  Like accidentally saying that the Food Network is in fear of a latin cooking shows.  Other than that, he did okay, I guess.

Challenge 2 - Except for over-using the word "honey", Jag ruled the RR Show.  He cranked up his personality to 11, and delivered an entertaining, fun demo.  He's had ups and downs during this competition, but he HAS shown steady improvement.

Contestant #2 - Rory

Curse you, Food Network!  You double-crossed me and turned me into a liar!  I wrote who my guess was on the winner, and you cut them this week!  Ooooh you.....

Anyway, this week, by far, had the coolest and most intimidating challenge yet:  Iron Chef

For those of you that don't know, the reality of "Iron Chef" is that the competitors get the "secret ingredient" about a week ahead of time.  Seriously.  They work out all their dishes, and ingredients before-hand, and they've no doubt practiced the hour-drill a couple of dozen times before the cameras roll.  The ORIGINAL Iron Chef (Japanese-Style) did their menus on the spot, but even THAT was only in the early episodes.  PLUS, only ONE of each dish has to be completed in the hour.  They plate the rest of them after the buzzer sounds. Our little Reality-TV experiments were given an hour to create THREE (as opposed to Iron Chef's 5) dishes, their cuisine had to fit into their "style", they had to plate all 12 (3 dishes x 4 judges) in the allotted time.  AND, that was only 50% of the challenge!  They were split into two 1-on-1 battles, and the contestants NOT cooking had to provide color-commentary for Alton Brown himself!

Battle Striped Bass - Rory vs. Paul

It never ceases to surprise me when reality show contestants act like they've never seen a reality show before. You pretty much see that on every season of Survivor. But "Next Food Network Star" takes ignorance one step further: I don't think these guys have ever watched the FOOD NETWORK before. The show has been a glorious trainwreck from the very first episode, but tonight was abolutely the best/worst: Our contestants had two challenges that got them in front of the camera. And much to the delite of every other Food Network hopeful, they ALL BOMBED. And I don't mean "they messed up", I mean they sucked so hard it would give HEIDI FLEISS a toothache. The main task tonight was making a 5-minute cooking demo featuring the one ingredient each of them hated more than any other.

For anyone that watches, but missed it, here's a quick recap of how bad our guys did:

JAG - Tofu

So, I'm sitting here at home, watching Paula Deen's shows on the Food Network. Anyway, have you seen that movie "They Live" with Roddy Piper, where he wears special sunglasses that reveal aliens pretending to be humans? I wonder what Roddy would see when he looked at Paula.

Hey, Paula's awesome, and one of my biggest influences on the Food Network. But has anyone stopped to see the evil stare BEHIND the smile? Like look, everyone (inlcuding me) jumps all over Rachael Ray for being a corporation instead of a person, pointing how she "jumped the shark" when she went all Oprah on us, but is Paula Deen any different?

Caption: Paula Deen serves up a basket of heart failure

A quick look at her website reveals that she is hawking books, an "official magazine", a restaurant, 2 TV shows, and a "live tour". See, Paula Deen is the Elvis of Food. Oh right, and let's not forget that she rams her children down our throats at EVERY opportunity, too.

caption: The Romulus and Remus of Coat-Tail-Riders

If you are ALREADY sick of leftover turkey (hot, open-faced sandwiches nayone?), Why don't you give this a look-see. It's my take on making boring leftovers fun (and tasty!)

Hi everyone! New to cooking? Or maybe just moved into your first place with a kitchen?! Everybody remembers to buy the toaster oven and/or coffee maker, but do they remember spices and seasonings? Here's a short video detailing 5 Essential Seasonings you need.